Time

Can you imagine that for 14 months someone was going to help save your quality of life?
Can you imagine having time ripped away from your life in an instant?

That's how it felt tonight!  For just over a year we have had a willing donor of a kidney. The process has been extremly slow.  Not knowing exactly how this process works made us believe this is how it is.  Now we have learned that it shouldn't be this slow, unless the tests are being booked by the donor as they should etc.  This came into our minds in June, when we spoke to the donor, asked openly if they still wanted to do this, and the answer was, "Yes, I'm just scared"....this went onto July, when face to face was asked the same questions and we received the same response.  On August 30th after visiting with the Social worker at the transplant hospital they explained how to approach the donor, so it was done again that same evening and the answer was the same, "Yes, I'm just scared."  Understandbly so, we understand the scared factor.  Scared for us is to be hooked up to a machine 3 times per week, 4 to 5 hours a time, that for us is scary and to watch the body deteriorate from there, that's a scary thought. 

Nonetheless we move on from there.  Today we went to the regular routine kidney clinic appointment to find out that the creatnine levels have gone up again.  The nurses were very concened and when the Dr didn't mention his concern about it, we asked him about what he thought of the creatnine level.  He said, "I'd be worried if I saw this number and you didn't have a donor, but since you do we'll work with it."  This prompted us to contact that donor today.

We explained to the donor the situation that had happened today.  And the donor went on to mention needing to work because of money and needed the weeks.  We went on to explain that surgury wouldn't be until they were not working anyway, which then brought out a whole other conversation, about not sure if they could go through with it.  The reason behind it is the welfare of the donor in the future which the concern was made by their child.  Neither one has been educated, been to social working, nothing. The donor has merely had a blood test done and urine sample.Understandably we know there is concern for anyone going to do surgury for anything.  But what bothers us isn't the fact that they most likely will back out, it's the way this has been drawn out.  In April testing had started on the donor, and it has been nothing but stalling, we walked on egg shells, trying not to pressure, giving the out at anytime, always asking the questions and making the statement, "If you don't want to we understand!"

To hear tonight that not sure if they can go through with it made us extremly upset, and angry.  Stalling in this situation just means that it has taken time from my husbands life.  It's taken nothing from their own. 

My husband looks well, but his numbers don't.  People don't see the numbers only what he looks like.  We'll work with whatever God throws our way, with or without a donation.  Forgiving the donor for backing out can also be done, but we'll never forget what was taken, time.  Time can never be given back.

Praying God will give us strength to get through another hurdle in our lives.

But even when I am afraid, I keep on trusting you - Psalm 56:3